God knows the why

I was talking through this the other day with some friends and I still think that this topic is so significant and beautiful that I want to share it with all of you. Just be forewarned: I put a band-aid on my thumb and it's a little tighter than it should be, so if there's lots of typos it's because my blue thumb has swollen to an unusually large size and is hitting all of the keys around it. That or I've passed out from lack of circulation...to my thumb :)

We don't all trust each other. A lot of us like to keep our own little secrets. When we meet people or make new friends, we don't want to tell them all about our past. Honestly, we're often not sure if we can or should trust people for quite awhile. And that's valid. It's healthy and wise not to air your dirty laundry to everyone you meet. Doing that has a tendency to get you hurt, not to mention make people feel uncomfortable. But I believe that there is some merit to being open, honest, and transparent with those around you.

Let's say, for example, that in my past I struggled with addiction to alcohol (this is not true, please don't start rumors, I'm just using an example to prove my point). I would hope that you wouldn't like me any less because of my past, but you might think twice before inviting me to a Girls' Night Out at the bar. You might avoid bringing me a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift. You might be more concerned than normal if you saw a bottle of vodka in my freezer. But if I never told you about my history with alcohol, you might always be inviting me out to the bar. You might throw me a kegger for a housewarming party, and you might not even worry about seeing me drinking. Knowing about my past helps you be a better friend to me.

I think that not only can knowing about each other's pasts help us be more aware of tendencies to trip up, but I believe that the knowledge of people's pasts can also help us to extend more grace. Once you know that my family's home was destroyed by fire (and this is true), you might understand a little better why I run around unplugging all unused appliances (even the microwave in my room is unplugged most of the time). It's not to be annoying or to inconvenience people, it's because of my past. Our pasts can affect our behavior in lots of ways, some that we don't even realize. And while I know it may be scary to admit our pasts to other people, I think it can really help others to have more grace with us, because they have a better idea as to why we're doing the things we're doing, why we're making the decisions we're making, and why we're acting the way we're acting.

The comforting thing that I've realized recently is that God knows it all. He knows our past without us having to tell Him. And so when we mess up, He knows why we mess up. Growing up, I remember hearing again and again in church that God knew everything I did. He saw every little sin I did and knew every mistake I made. What was never really emphasized was that God knew why I messed up too. God watches me push people away and sometimes treat them unkindly and He knows that I've been hurt by people before. Does it make it okay that I treated these people unkindly? No. But He understands why I did it, and that's where His mercy and grace can come in.

Take children, for example. If your little three-year-old throws a fit, you might know that she's emotional because she didn't get a nap this afternoon. Does it make it okay that she threw a fit? No. Will there be consequences? Probably (I'm not telling you how to parent, I know that I'm ignorant in the ways of child-rearing, I'm just commenting on what I've observed from other parents). But you understand why she did it. And that gives you grace toward her. She's not intentionally being naughty. Sure, she should have chosen to do right and she could have chosen to do right. But her past made it more difficult for her to make the right decision.

I feel like that's how God sees us. I should have kept my mouth shut the other day and not griped at that person. And I know that I could have done it but my past - both my past circumstances that I had no control over and the choices that I have made - made it more difficult for me to do the right thing. And God knows that. Isn't it comforting to rest in the arms of a God who not only knows what we do but also why we do it?