Wednesday, December 2, 2009

This is Home

Driving home from Joe's has a tendency to put me in a pensive mood. There's so much that goes on there, and each person who walks through the door has such an extensive background with their own problems, issues, and history that I usually can't help but philosophize just a tad.

But it wasn't the atmosphere at Joe's that inspired me to write tonight, it was a song. It's by Switchfoot, a band that I really like. I think they wrote this song for the movie Prince Caspian. At least it's featured in that movie. And for that reason, I never really cared much for the song. (Please don't argue with me about the movie. It just wasn't my favorite. I'm not saying you can't like it, but no amount of persuasion is going to convince me that it was a legitimately good movie. I'll give it as much as an 'OK'.) Anyway, back to the song. I'm guessing the title is "This is Home," since that's what they repeat throughout the chorus and Switchfoot doesn't strike me as the kind of band that likes to invent random possibly-related-via-inside-jokes titles for their songs.

So when I listened to it tonight, this is what I heard, "This is home. Now I'm finally where I belong," and I was filled with such a longing to be able to say that. I so badly want to find a place in the world where I can say, "This is home. I belong here." I know that, spiritually speaking, this world is not our home, blah blah blah. That's not exactly what I'm talking about. At least I don't think it is.

What is home? Growing up, it's easy to say that home is where your family is. Home, house, they're all interchangeable when you're a child. But as soon as you move away, you build a new life away from where you grow up. Now where's home? Is it where you have your new life or is it where your old life was? Does it depend on how much you like your old life? Some people leave their old lives behind. Does that mean that the place where they grew up, where their families are isn't home anymore? Home is where the heart is. But where is my heart? And what in the world does that mean anyway? Home is where I wish I was? Can home be a place I've never been to? Is there really a place in this world where I can enter it and say, "Wow, this is home. I belong here," or will we always feel out of place and uncomfortable? I don't necessarily feel out of place or uncomfortable where I am now, but I don't know that I have this overwhelming feeling that this is the one place I belong. I don't even necessarily know that this is where I belong for this season of my life. I know I'm supposed to be here, because I feel like that's the word I've gotten from God, but I've been wrong enough about those words that who know? I may be way off track.

So is home a place that you enter and you just fit into perfectly? Or do we choose a place and decide that it will be home? Do we belong because we're meant to belong, like it's fate, or do we belong because we decide we're going to belong? It kind of reminds me of the "is there one true love out there for me" question, which I totally don't agree with. But I like the idea of thinking that there is a place out there that I fit perfectly in. A place where I don't have to be self-conscious or nervous. A place where I don't have to analyze every word before it comes out of my mouth to see if it's acceptable in the context I'm in. Is there a place like that or is home more about changing me than changing my surroundings?

2 comments:

christine said...

Hmmm... much to think about. The opinions right off the top of my head: I think your home is where you choose to make it. In the same way that you can choose to be happy in each season of your life (kudos to you, my friend), I think you can choose a home, and be content there. By seeking to bring forth life--through beauty, laughter, friendship... you can make any place "homey". Some may feel more comfortable than others, but I really think you can create beauty out of any situation. Not that that process is easy (thinking of myself, if we buy a repoed house that is straight from the seventies. I may have to focus on laughter rather than beauty. Ha!) Some people seem very gifted at making whatever place they reside their home. They bring out beauty and inspiration in the most unique ways. For others, it seems like "home" is more transient--not so much a place, but wherever they can be their truest selves. That is my hope for you. That your "home" can be a place where you feel loved unconditionally and surrounded by so much grace that you can be who you truly are without apology.

STACI J GUTHRIE said...

Home for me was were my mother lived. When she died, I felt like I lost "home." You know, where you go when it's Christmas, where you go for comfort and unconditional acceptance, where you go for emotional support - the girly kind. There's no road that leads to home for me right now. I guess my mom represent home and those things.
I think it's important to have a place to be who you really are, to listen to the kind of music you want to listen to, to watch the same movie over and over again, to voice out your opinions and aggravations without fear of rejection. To be as weird as I want to be. I'd go crazy if I didn't have that kind of place. In that respect, I am home. Right here on my couch writing this to you.
Boy, you jump in deep! I'm a deep thinker too. Gets me in trouble in my head sometimes....
Love you! See you soon!