Not the best Saturday. Spent most of it thinking about past failures. I've messed up a lot, like we all have, and moving away to another state certainly helps get those mistakes out of your face (no, that was not the reason I moved to Oklahoma or tried to move to China), but they still come back every once in awhile to bite you in the.

I did get to sleep in. That was good. I broke down and bought some expensive shampoo and conditioner. Will I use it? I don't know. We'll see in the morning. The problem I'm running into is that my hair is super thick, and I'm not sure that I'm getting all the baking soda out of it every time. Plus, the roots aren't greasy, but I feel like the rest is. Will that even out? Do I have the strength to wait and find out? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know.

I feel kind of like a boat that was tied up at a dock and someone cut the ropes. I'm kind of drifting aimlessly. It's a calm day, so that's good. But as far as having a direction or a purpose, I'm not there. What this means is that if you call me to see how I'm doing, I'm not going to be able to give you a very good answer. Just so you know. I don't really know how I'm doing. I'll probably say something like, "I'm fine," or "I'm surviving," or "I'm tired and really stressed." You know, the answers that don't really say much and don't require any thought. Haven't you been there? In the spot where you really don't know how you're doing? Where you're either so busy or so out of it that you don't have the time or energy or desire or focus or whatever it is to muster up even the smallest bit of introspection to tell people how you're doing? Or you just don't care how you're doing because you have bigger things to think about? Yeah, I'm there. We all know it's a phase, it'll pass. So I'm not super worried. I even get an extra day off. The boss called Monday an HGM holiday. Yay!