My Metaphor for Life...

A lot has happened since I posted my last update.  The biggest of these being that I have announced my intent to stay on home staff with HGM.  This means I will not be going to China like I planned.  I am still getting used to this change, as it was not a decision I made lightly.  It took a couple weeks of prayer and fasting for me to finally admit that this was what God wanted for my life.  It was not what I wanted.  I mean, I am glad to do God's will, whatever that might be, but I really had my heart set on China.  I had been telling people for over a year now that China was my destination, and nothing was going to stop me, short of God's action of putting roadblocks in the way.  Well, guess what.  That's what He did!  

To be honest, I'm really excited about this new opportunity to help keep so many of the Lord's finest out on the field by supporting them here in the states.  But I've been getting a lot of questions that I just can't answer right now, like: What will you be doing?  What happens next?  When will you get to go to China?  Will you be able to travel?  How long will you be in Oklahoma?  These are totally valid questions, and I know that they come from hearts that are genuinely concerned about me and my future.  But if you have asked me any of these questions, you've probably been answered with either an "I don't know" or something extremely vague and uncommitted.  I'd like to give you a story that illustrates my life right now, waiting on God's word and following His direction:

The other night, I was driving back to Siloam Springs after seeing a movie.  It was late, about midnight, and these days when I get tired, my eyes get very blurry.  To add to the excitement, it was extremely foggy outside.  So much so, in fact, that there were several times that I had to slam on my brakes because the road turned and my car did not.  Don't worry, Mom and Dad, I was driving safely.  It was just foggy and dark!  I took Highway 12 and 59 home because I like them better than boring old 412 and thought the curvy roads would keep me awake.  Also, before I start the really serious story, I will tell you that I swerved to miss an opossum and a two-legged bunny.  The bunny still haunts my dreams.

Here's the life metaphors:  There were several stretches in the road when I would drive straight for a mile or two, with nothing in the road, no turns, no creepy bunnies.  Then, out of nowhere, a sharp 90 degree turn would come.  Even though up until that point, I had been going straight, now here I was, turning, going in a new direction.  And I couldn't answer questions about what came next, because I had no idea.  I could see about 5 feet in front of me, and that was enough to keep me out of trouble, but not enough to take away my dependence on the lights that guided my path.  The light shone just enough for me to see what I should do next.  Where would the road take me?  How many more turns would there be?  How long would it take me to get to my destination?  I didn't know any of these things.  All I could do was trust that if I stayed on the road I was supposed to be on, I would eventually get to where I was supposed to be going.  I was pretty sure that there would be more turns in the road, but I was also confident that if I kept looking at the road in the light I had been given, I'd be able to manage the turns just fine.

Does it make sense now?  This is my life.  I live by faith from day to day that God will give me the exact amount of grace I need to get through each day.  He'll tell me just what I need to know to manage the next turn.  If He gave me the whole picture right now, I'd miss some very important lessons along the way, and run the risk of thinking I can rely on myself to accomplish the picture.  I'm on His road, using His light, adjusting to each new turn in the road as it comes.  

So please, feel free to inquire about my plans, my hopes, my dreams.  But please also realize that I don't have all of the answers, and join me in being alright with the answer, "I don't know."